I had a coworker came up to me earlier today and jokingly tell me that I'm weird. I looked at her all seriously and said, "I would rather be weird than normal, because normal is too overrated." She continued to look at me weird after that. But what she doesn't know is that I am a poet and us poets are weird and calling a poet weird is a complement.
As I was at work today; a woman came to the line I was bagging, she was wearing a shirt that read from Proverbs 3:5-6. Something came over me, as I couldn't help myself my read that verse out loud. That could've cost me my job but that verse struck me where it hurts the most and I needed it. I've been letting the stress of work get to me. I've been letting finances get to me as well. But that verse reminded me that I should always trust in the Lord with all my soul, with all my heart and with all my might. How things are in this world, it's so easy to forget that. That shirt, funny that all this came from a shirt, but that shirt reminded me of something I long forgot.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6 New King James Version (NKJV)
This year is mine. 2015 just barely started and already God had blessed me tremendously. He blessed me tremendously with something I longed for; for ten years I desired. I have a job now and I am thankful. This had been the most excitement I've had in years. I can finally start living the life I want to live, and I'm one step closer to getting my poetry book published and it's all thanks to God.
During this ten year long journey of mine, I hung to the Bible verse, Romans 8:25. That verse alone, helped gave me strength. "But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance." Those words etched themselves upon my heart and soul and without them, I probably would have fallen. But God gave me strength through those words and because of Him, I rose from the ashes.
God truly is good and He does answer prayers, even though He may not answer them right away, you just got to have patience and keep believing in God and your prayers will be answered.
During my time of struggle, not once did I asked God, 'Why?' I never asked Him, 'Why is this happening? Why can't I find work?' I was always asking God, 'When?' 'When will I find work? When will it be my turn to start living?' Do you know what was God's reply? Just one word, 'Soon.' That one word, 'Soon' was the only answer He gave me. Of course I didn't know how long, all that I know was that I had to put my faith in God and know that soon I would be working.
God heard me and with the start of this new year, He blessed me with a job. God truly is good, all the time.
But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.
If you're going to judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes first. By that being said, I think it's time for you to walk in my shoes. Let's start this story from the beginning. My name is Adam Michael Snow, and I was born May 30, 1988 in Phoenix, Arizona. When I was born, I was lacked of oxygen; they did not notice till hours later, any longer and I would have died. Because of that, I had a delayed speech; I didn't start talking till I was three. They diagnosed me with ADHD when I was four; at the same time, I started to take Ritalin (it started off with small doses, it got out of control later on.) They even diagnosed me with a speech impairment, that's why I stutter when I talk. Later on in life, into my 20's I found that I had been misdiagnosed. I wasn't ADHD as I was raised to believe, I was in fact had Asperger, a form of Autism.
When I first started school, I had many friends, despite my disabilities. When I was seven, I fell ill to Spinal Meningitis. The doctors said that if I were to've come a day later, I could've died. I spent that whole week in the hospital. Throughout my childhood, they were always upping my dose of Ritalin. By the age of eleven, they had me on adult doses; the results of it caused me to be zombie eyed and it stunned my growth. It wasn't until I was eleven when I stopped taking Ritalin; I was in sixth grade. That day I lost my friends, they only liked me because I was drugged out on Ritalin.
When I was in seventh grade, I met a good friend; his name was Joshua. Even though he was wheelchair bound, he had a heart of gold. By the end of my seventh grade school year, my family and I moved; I started my eighth grade at another school, that's when the bullying started. The bullying would continue all throughout high school and would go on every day. In 2002, I was a freshman in high school; that was also the year I lost my good friend Joshua; he was fifteenth when he died.
Being the youngest, I get picked on all the time. So because of that, I felt like I had no place safe; I was being bullied at school and at home. It was because of that, I thought about hurting myself, there were times I even felt suicidal; I just wanted to die, the pain was that bad. Then poetry entered my life, through my cousin; poetry saved my life. That's why I refuse to quit writing. I wrote my first poem when I was fifteen. The bullying was so bad at school; I came so close to dropping out.
In 2006, I managed to graduate high school; a year later, my parents split up and we lost our house. It was just my mother and I, when we moved in with my aunt and uncle; I didn't felt safe there, it didn't feel like a home. Later that year, my parents got back together and we finally moved out of my aunt's house.
In 2009, I found out my dad had cancer; I lost him three weeks before Christmas. Not soon after, my family and I were illegally evicted and were force to stay in a rugged house. That house was on the market to be sold; we were its temporary house keepers. We were always on edge, afraid; not knowing if and when the house would be sold and we would be stuck on the streets. But God had answered our prayers; in 2011 we moved into the house I am currently living in today.
In 2012, I went into the hospital again; I was in so much severe pain that I couldn't sleep for days. I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. Now today, it's been ten years and I still haven't worked a day in my life. I am constantly searching for a job every day; I've only had six job interviews in my life. I felt as if no place won’t hire me, because I had no job experience; yet I can't gain job experience if I don't work. It's like I can't gain ahead in life. I wasn't just on Ritalin when I was a kid, I was on several other medications, it’s just too many to name.
I'm not telling you my life story because I want pity; I don't want your pity. I'm telling you my story as a life lesson. What I'm trying to say is, if you're going to judge someone or insults someone, walk a mile in their shoes first. You may not realize it, the person you're judging or insulting may in fact be hurting and it might just take that one push from you for that person to take their own life. Now you know my story and please, don't show pity for me. Just stop with all the insults and judging, it's annoying, rude and also childish. And for the record, I will never give in to suicide. I was just merely using my life, my pain and struggles as an example. Life is a fragile thing, don't ruin it. Don't let your pain and struggles drag you down, let it build you up and make you stronger. Don't lose yourself and don't give in to the world. There’s more to you than what you really know.
"There's light in every darkness, you just have to find it."
A.M. Snow is a poet, photographer and in his own way, a philosopher and he is a strong devoted dedicated follower of Jesus Christ.
Adam's personal blog for all his randomness and poetic thoughts.