When I first started school, I had many friends, despite my disabilities. When I was seven, I fell ill to Spinal Meningitis. The doctors said that if I were to've come a day later, I could've died. I spent that whole week in the hospital. Throughout my childhood, they were always upping my dose of Ritalin. By the age of eleven, they had me on adult doses; the results of it caused me to be zombie eyed and it stunned my growth. It wasn't until I was eleven when I stopped taking Ritalin; I was in sixth grade. That day I lost my friends, they only liked me because I was drugged out on Ritalin.
When I was in seventh grade, I met a good friend; his name was Joshua. Even though he was wheelchair bound, he had a heart of gold. By the end of my seventh grade school year, my family and I moved; I started my eighth grade at another school, that's when the bullying started. The bullying would continue all throughout high school and would go on every day. In 2002, I was a freshman in high school; that was also the year I lost my good friend Joshua; he was fifteenth when he died.
Being the youngest, I get picked on all the time. So because of that, I felt like I had no place safe; I was being bullied at school and at home. It was because of that, I thought about hurting myself, there were times I even felt suicidal; I just wanted to die, the pain was that bad. Then poetry entered my life, through my cousin; poetry saved my life. That's why I refuse to quit writing. I wrote my first poem when I was fifteen. The bullying was so bad at school; I came so close to dropping out.
In 2006, I managed to graduate high school; a year later, my parents split up and we lost our house. It was just my mother and I, when we moved in with my aunt and uncle; I didn't felt safe there, it didn't feel like a home. Later that year, my parents got back together and we finally moved out of my aunt's house.
In 2009, I found out my dad had cancer; I lost him three weeks before Christmas. Not soon after, my family and I were illegally evicted and were force to stay in a rugged house. That house was on the market to be sold; we were its temporary house keepers. We were always on edge, afraid; not knowing if and when the house would be sold and we would be stuck on the streets. But God had answered our prayers; in 2011 we moved into the house I am currently living in today.
In 2012, I went into the hospital again; I was in so much severe pain that I couldn't sleep for days. I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. Now today, it's been ten years and I still haven't worked a day in my life. I am constantly searching for a job every day; I've only had six job interviews in my life. I felt as if no place won’t hire me, because I had no job experience; yet I can't gain job experience if I don't work. It's like I can't gain ahead in life. I wasn't just on Ritalin when I was a kid, I was on several other medications, it’s just too many to name.
I'm not telling you my life story because I want pity; I don't want your pity. I'm telling you my story as a life lesson. What I'm trying to say is, if you're going to judge someone or insults someone, walk a mile in their shoes first. You may not realize it, the person you're judging or insulting may in fact be hurting and it might just take that one push from you for that person to take their own life. Now you know my story and please, don't show pity for me. Just stop with all the insults and judging, it's annoying, rude and also childish. And for the record, I will never give in to suicide. I was just merely using my life, my pain and struggles as an example. Life is a fragile thing, don't ruin it. Don't let your pain and struggles drag you down, let it build you up and make you stronger. Don't lose yourself and don't give in to the world. There’s more to you than what you really know.